Pamela in Pink

Question: I’ve always been indecisive, and have yet to figure myself out, and I’ve always fancied girls on TV more than men on TV, and I never really like anybody in real life, so I’ve just seen it as “admiring the female form,” especially since celebs and people on TV are made to be beautiful!

But lately I’ve started really, really fancying this girl. She’s my boyfriend’s little sister, and I feel like crying. She looks like a boy, so maybe that could be it? But I thrill on her being a girl, and I could never do anything on my boyfriend, but I’m so confused what to think. I feel like I am more sexually attracted to her than him. She’s just so cool – and hot. Maybe another bit of the attraction is that she’s off limits? But what do I do? Ignore these feelings forever? And does this make me bisexual? Because I’ve had sexual feelings for two other girls, but not strong ones compared to this. I really don’t know what to do. Even if I am ‘bi’ I don’t see how I could come out. People have this view that bisexuals are “gays in denial” or attention seeking. I’m not. I’m not even sure if I am yet!! Help?

Katie, 15

Answer: Thanks for sharing, Katie. It’s obvious that you’re very conflicted at the moment. The teenage years are a very confusing time, so know that you are not alone. Teenagers go through an enormous period of growth and self-discovery and it’s a time to learn about yourself and get to know who you are. I know that this is a controversial topic and so I understand why it’s stressing you out so much. I think at age 15 you are still learning about yourself and perhaps trying on different identities to see which one fits. In time you may find out that you are in fact bi, or you may come to see yourself as heterosexual. The point I’m trying to make is that at your age it’s too soon to tell. You may grow out of the feelings you’re having or you may lean more towards them. I don’t think you should ignore your feelings, but you should not tell your boyfriend or try and pursue a relationship with his sister. I would give the same advice if you liked your boyfriend’s brother. It would devastate him and probably damage his relationship with his sister. It could be as you say that the attraction is because she’s off limits.

What you need to do is focus on yourself. Don’t worry too much about it because you are still the same person no matter your sexual orientation. I think in time the answer will become clear to you, and you will just know if you are bi or straight. A lot of teens do go through a period of confusion about their sexuality, but after a while it becomes more obvious to them. I don’t think you should label yourself before you even know who you are. It would do you good to talk to your school counselor about it because it will be confidential. But maybe don’t tell other people about how you are feeling until you are certain yourself. Just relax and focus on school and your friends and it will all work itself out. Good luck!

Pamela

This advice was written by me for

[Danny]
Summer lovin’ had me a blast

[Sandy]
Summer lovin’ happened so fast

[Danny]
I met a girl crazy for me

[Sandy]
Met a boy cute as can be

I’m sure you all know the movie Grease, about the summer romance between Sandy, a goody-goody Australian girl on holiday in the States, and Danny, a cool American biker boy. Long story short, they end up at the same high school, and their summer romance blossoms into a real romance (with lots of singing). This is the ideal summer romance story, but in real life summer romances are often confined to summer.

Blame it on the heat, or the bathing suits, or the fact that people are happier when on vacation, but there’s something about summer romances. You go on vacation to the beach with your family, and you notice a cute guy lifeguard checking you out. You end up talking, and then meeting for a walk on the beach at sunset. You start having feelings for each other, and then suddenly you’re a couple. But then, it’s the day you have to go home, and back to reality. You promise to make it work, and keep in touch. But the minute you get home your summer romance becomes a summer fling.

Summer fling, don’t mean a thing…

When you’re on vacation you want to have fun, and summer romances are fun. They are almost like a game to see if you can have a summer romance while at the beach or wherever. Summer romances seem more intense because of the time pressure. You only go on vacation for a week or two, so you develop feelings very quickly. This sets the relationship up to fail, because it takes time to really get to know someone. Add to this the fact that you and your summer fling probably live miles apart. A long distance relationship isn’t really going to work with someone you haven’t built a firm foundation with in the first place.

My advice is to see summer romances for what they are – summer romances. Don’t expect them to transfer into relationships when you go back home and your tan has faded. However, we all need a summer fling to look back on fondly. A bit of flirting will give you an ego boost, and is a good way to pass the time while sunning yourself on the beach.

Tips to Get You Summer Lovin’:

1. Body Language

Smile and stand up straight. Try not to cross your arms over your chest, and keep your head level (don’t look down too much). If you notice a cute guy checking you out, make eye contact for a few seconds, look away, and then look back at him.

2. Mingle

Join in activities at the place you are staying, such as dance classes (think Dirty Dancing), or snorkeling. Who knows, your instructor could turn out to be your summer romance! You can’t meet you him if you’re watching movies in your hotel room with the curtains closed. So get out there and mingle!

3. Have Fun

You go on vacation to have fun, so make sure you do things that you enjoy. If you like reading a magazine by the pool – do it. Enjoy your vacation, flirt a bit, and don’t take summer romances too seriously!

This article was written by me for:

The heart is as fragile as glass – one slip and it can shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. It isn’t called ‘heartbreak’ for nothing. I have had my fair share of heartbreak, so I’d like to offer some advice, or at least some comforting words to those of you going through it, especially for the first time.

First love is magical, exhilarating, and special. You experience a thrilling high for the first time in your life, where you are so completely in love with the most amazing guy you have ever met, and he feels the same about you. He is the most gorgeous, caring, sweet, special guy in the whole world, and you just know that you will never feel that way about anyone ever again. He is your soul mate, and you are so perfect for each other that it must be ‘fate’ that you are destined to be together forever…but then, he breaks up with you. The first time your heart gets broken (or crushed, stomped on, and thrown away) you go through excruciating pain. All heartbreaks are painful, but like the song says, “the first cut is the deepest”. The first time your heart gets broken, it is literally like a drug has been taken away from an addict, and you become desperate for your fix. You construct this whole love story in your mind where he was, and always will be ‘the one’. You put him up on a pedestal, where he is a perfect angel who can do no wrong. You make excuses for him. You only focus on the happy times in your relationship, forgetting how badly he treated you. You can’t imagine feeling that way about anyone ever again. You are terrified that nobody will love you the way he did. I could go on and on.

When I first went through it, I understood what they meant by the term ‘heartbreak’ – it felt like my actual heart that pumps blood around my body was aching and breaking at the same time. It was the first time in my life that I ever experienced that horrible, desperate, aching pain that feels like it will never go away. But it did. After grieving the loss of the future that I thought I had, and after many months of crying, my poor heart made a full recovery (but it was touch and go for a while!). Looking back on my first love, or should I say my first heartbreak, the main feeling that arises is embarrassment. I’m embarrassed about how crazy I acted, but mostly embarrassed that I was so hung up on a guy who was actually nothing special. In time, your heart will also heal completely, and you too will look back and laugh at the way you acted, and that you were so hung up on such an average guy.

When you do love again (and you will!), it will be stronger and deeper, even though you can’t believe in a million years that is possible. You will know that it is possible to get over heartbreak, and you will guard your heart a little bit more closely. Every cut to your heart after the first cut will be a little less deep, because you know that your heart will heal again. But while you are still hurt it takes time to heal. Don’t rush yourself – you have to grieve the relationship. Try not to jump into a rebound relationship, but don’t sit at home and feel sorry for yourself either. Rather, spend time with your family and friends, and take time to do the things you love – the things that you couldn’t do when you were in the relationship.

My favorite single girl Carrie from Sex and the City knows a thing or two about heartbreak. I found a quote from her that I think is very true and inspiring: “We could only wonder how she would be able to dust herself off and start over again. And yet we knew we couldn’t bear for her not to, and felt ever more optimistic that after all her struggles, she would someday meet her man, her equal, a man with the same charisma, love of life, and humanity she possessed. In the meantime, she’d have her friends. And the knowledge that she deserved the world.”

This article was written by me for: