Advice: Annoying BFF Copies Everything I Do

Question: My best friend and I have been friends for 4 years. But sometimes I feel like I’m being copied – my favorite soda is Sprite, so is hers; my favorite color WAS blue, and it was hers. I got a Blackberry, and she gets one. It may be normal to have things in common, but everything I do, get, have, or want, she has to, too!

I was always okay with it, but that was because I always had everything – now she’s getting them too. So I feel like now I have to fight for attention with her. Every time I try to explain something to her she always goes, “Yea, yea. Whatever.”

Now I still want to be friends, but I can’t take it anymore!! Not to mention she never takes responsibility for anything. She apologizes to anyone and badmouths them when they leave. I am a hard working student, who always works hard to behave right, but she breaks the rules and the teachers never get mad at her. But when it comes to me, if I do it I get in trouble! And she takes her gift for granted, and doesn’t even try to behave. I want to remain friends, but she’s making it really hard!!! Help? Please??!!

Also, my BFF always leaves me behind to hang with other friends. Today she came over my house for a hour till she got a call from another one of her friends and automatically left to go to her house. I tried in the past to stop being friends with her, but somehow we always made up. But this always happens no matter how many times I explain it to her. I tried hanging out with other friends but my neighbors don’t like me, and I have no one close by to go to. My parents are always too busy to drive me anywhere. And she gets to literally go to another friend’s house or party every day and ends up leaving me behind. What do I do?

Rose, 12

Answer: Thanks for sharing, Rose.

Have you ever heard the saying: “Imitation is the greatest form of flattery?” What this basically means is that by your best friend copying you all the time, she is actually jealous of you and wants to be like you. I know this can be annoying as you want to be original and this is difficult when she does everything you do, but perhaps try and look at it in a positive way in that she looks up to you and thinks that you are special.

That being said, I understand how frustrated you are, so I think that you need to make her understand your feelings. You said that she won’t listen to you when you try and talk to her about it, so I suggest writing her a letter or an email explaining your feelings in a sincere and honest way. You should tell her that you care about her and want to be friends with her, but you need her to respect your feelings. Also tell her how hurt you feel when she ditches you to go hang out with other friends. If she ignores your letter or doesn’t care, then the only thing you can do is distance yourself from her. I know you say that you have no friends close by to go to, but perhaps join a club at school or do some other extracurricular activity to meet new friends. Then invite your new friends to a sleepover at your house since your parents are too busy to drive you anywhere.

Don’t let her get you down. I hope this helps.

Pamela

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